Do you know what resentment feels like? It’s a consuming feeling of anxiety, sadness, tension and other unpleasant things.

What is resentment?

Simply, resentment is letting someone live rent free in your head. They don’t even know they are there most of the time. It’s just you and them hanging out and going over every recent interaction between the two of you.

While several years ago I could’ve claimed several resentments, there’s really only one that I’m working on correcting right now. I don’t dwell on it, but when this person crosses my mind I can literally feel the resentment and that is not good for me. The mental image of her face can make me cringe. The sound of her voice makes me want to run out of the room.

This is not okay. And the only person who can fix it is ME. No matter what “wrong” I think this other person is guilty of the only thing I can control is my reaction.

So what to do?

I have the secret and it’s worked every time I’ve had a resentment. Trust me, I have far fewer these days (remember, just the one that I can think of) than I used to. Six years ago I couldn’t have listed on one sheet of paper all of the resentments I carried around.

You know what? Those people that I resented didn’t change. I did. My perspective changed and so did my life.

Today I am a happy, joyous and free person because I figured out how to change me.

The secret is that I pray this simple prayer for any person (or institution) against whom I feel any sort of animosity:

Dear Lord,

Please bless (insert name here} with health, wealth, happiness and everything in the world that I want for myself. Give her (or him) peace and joy every day.

Amen

The key is to pray this prayer every day for at least two weeks. After just a couple days my heart starts to soften toward the person with whom I was angry.

Recently I learned another very powerful practice.

I make a list of everything I love about that person. This list always includes the fact that I am grateful that he or she has made me aware that I want to surround myself with positive people.

Just the act of making a list of things I love about someone makes me feel better.

Sometimes my list looks like this:

-       I love that “so-and-so” makes me aware that I want more positivity in my life

-       I love her hair

-       I love that she is so confident
It’s okay that I could only think of three things. Maybe later I’ll be able to list five things. And then maybe in a couple weeks I won’t even have to do this anymore because that resentment won’t exist.

Praying for someone with whom I am angry to have “health, wealth, happiness and everything in the world I want for myself” is sometimes nearly impossible. Really. But, I am not doing anyone any favors by carrying that resentment and anger, so it is a necessary practice. And so I do it. And eventually I feel better.

The committee in my head quiets down and that unwanted tenant moves out.

I love more today than I ever have before. Tomorrow I hope to love even more.